things not to say to your pregnant wife

I could have sworn I heard my husband "moooo" as I was getting dressed this morning. I'm sure it was my imagination. Surely, he has more sense than that.

Cut to last week...

We were driving in the truck when I mentioned I was hungry. My husband has read enough of the pregnancy books to know that he should immediately pull over to the nearest appropriate place if I say any of the following:

"I need to pee"
"I'm starving"
"I feel like I might vomit"

So he's like, "How's McDonald's sound?"
I agreed the thought of a double cheeseburger didn't sound horrible. So at the drive-thru we order a couple burgers and some spicy chicken sandwiches.

I had barely finished my first sandwich when my husband asks, "Can I get one of those.." and he finishes that sentence, with, get this, "If there are any left!" and then he makes a noise like the Cookie Monster, complete with the stuffing-your-face hand gestures!

I mustered up the most "abused puppy" look I could and threw a sandwich in his lap. We sat in silence for a while until he noticed I was on the brink of tears before he started apologizing profusely.

Surely, he would never make that mistake again, right? Ah, that would be giving too much credit to the gender.

to be continued...